Wednesday, February 9, 2011


today i am back in for round 2 of chemo. i thought i had another week left until i had to come back..... but nope. so last night was hard, i was just getting back to feeling "normal." i was planning on going for walks everyday. nolan and i had things planned, but the doc said, today. i had a little cry, and we scrambled to get everything together to make it over to medford this morning.

they started chemo a little late, so this might mean i'm in here for one more night..... we will see.

but i wanted to blog about love, and how this process has changed me.

the love for my husband has grown immensely these last couple of months. not because of the support he has given me (which he has) but because of the love i see in his eyes. its like this journey has brought us so much closer together, and it has barely begun. which is so exciting! i have a deeper love for him that i didn't think was possible. 

 i cannot express in words the love i feel for him right now, or how it has grown.  i wish i could eloquently put into words my love, our love. it may sound mushy, but it is my heart. he is my best friend. his sense of wisdom outstands me through this.  normal things that would tear people apart has strengthened us. my heart overflows when I think of my husband now, more so than ever. i feel like i’m dating my husband. that we are in a “honey-moon” stage. a honey-moon stage during cancer? what?

the day you hear you have cancer, and you go to lay down in bed that night and all you can do is smile and laugh with your husband, new level of love. we don't argue anymore, about anything. we sit and have the best conversations and laughter is our medicine. it's like we are new people. we have a new marriage. i told him the other day how much i love him and how i cannot express this love, that i want to marry him all over again when this comes to an end. i want to go on a trip when this is over and marry him all over again. just him and i on a beach. not a wedding. a marriage. it makes me smile.

 i feel like a new couple. i feel like this journey has strengthened and grown our marriage into something it would have never been without the cancer.

it's not that cancer is good for my life, but what is happening through the situation of cancer is a glorious opportunity. that we are grabbing hold of full-force. what was meant for harm, is being turned into good. and i receive all the goodness :-)

my love for the Lord has grown immensely also. i don't have any fear, and i don't question "why?" which can only be a blanket of peace from Him. i cannot explain the way that i feel wrapped in His arms at times. it is so relaxing, i feel like i can just fall asleep (with a smile on my face)

all of the junk in our lives have faded away. the little unimportant things that used to run our lives at times are gone. so all that's left is love for my husband, and my Savior. and the 3 together is a beautiful thing. i think it is the first time i have truly experienced this. and i am loving it!

every time i see my husband, i see him through new eyes. there are time we just lay in bed and stare at each other. i watch him when doesn't even know i'm looking, and i see this man that has grown and blossomed also from this experience.

nolan and i talk about not just wanting to survive this journey, we want to THRIVE. it overwhelms my heart at times. i really cannot put into words how i feel. how i feel that i have grown 5 years in theses 2 months. my husband told me the other day, he loves seeing me grow into this woman that he always knew i was. and i love coming out of my "shell."

i love the line from the book "crazy sexy cancer" where she says  "why, when we are challenged to survive, do we give ourselves permission to truly live?" enough said!! i want to truly live.

right now my worst days, are better than some people's good days. it blows my mind.

why does it take getting a diagnosis of "cancer" for us to wake up and start living our lives? it truly has opened my eyes and i will never be the same. beauty from ashes.... beauty from ashes


  1. Wow Aimee, you amaze me. It is so awesome what you are experiencing in your life with Nolan. God placed a wonderful man of God in your life. I pray every day that God will give each of you strength. Physically for you and emotionally for you both. So glad that you are both leaning on Jesus for that. Lots of prayers and thoughts through each day. Love you, Debbie

  2. You've got it Girl! And I couldn't be any happier reading this blog! Life is a journey, full of ups and downs and the saying that I think of the most these days is "If you can't change something, change the way you think about it" and you and Nolan have done that very thing!

    I loved spending time with you both this weekend, I loved laughing with you and seeing you feel so much better. I'm praying for the chemo side effects to be crushed by the new joy you have found in each other.

    God is indeed good! Keep on keepin on my beautiful Baldacious friend!! Love you!

  3. This is beautiful Aimme, thank you for sharing it :)

  4. Wow Aimee...You are so right. Its crazy to think that it takes great trials like cancer to wake us up, and make us truly live. You are incredibly wise. Aimee you are going to change so many lives. You are already thriving...your strength blows me away. I wish I could more eloquently tell you what an inspiration you are, but I guess all I can say is thank-you. Thank-you for your courage, your raw honesty, your beauty and your faith. You're an angel Aimee.

    I am praying for you, and I have my family and friends praying too.
    All my love,

  5. This made me smile so big! I cant wait to double date with you guys! You guys have always had a deep passionate love for each other, that its hard to imagine it being more...but it is. I love this. You guys are More than romeo and Juliet....your Nolio and Aimette!!!! If that makes sense. Hahahah! -susanna

  6. dear nolan and aimee, all love and joy to you this day! may God continue to use your lives greatly for His glory!! we are praying for you aimee! we are praying that you are healed. my husband and i prayed today, he said.. for Him its no easier than a bad cold to get rid of. So, we ask in faith knowing that He is awesome, He loves us, and may He be glorified.. thank you for sharing about love.. i want that in my marriage.. with love, Rebekah

  7. Aimee - wow how amazing of you to share your journey and the love you share. Just came across your blog :O) - get well soon and see you around.

  8. not only are you amazingly brave, but you are beautiful...I can tell you are beautiful on the inside from your sweet posts here on the blog (you and I had long coffee this morning) but you are also beautiful on the outside...not many people look so fantastic when they are facing these trials! I am cheering you on!
    (your newest follower)